‘I won’t,’ ‘Leave me alone,’ ‘You can’t make me do this,’ – do you hear these phrases more often while communicating with your kids? Unfortunately, these phrases have become a common part of the parent-child conversations. What’s worse is that many parents see such instances or communications as a form of rebellion against them. We at Excelsior American School, recognized as the Best International School in Gurugam, spoke to several parents and children to dig deeper into this topic and gain better clarity on what’s contributing to this confusion.
After holding elaborate discussions and conducting extensive research, we found that there’s more than what meets the eye. What looks like your child’s stubbornness or intentional defiance is actually their signal for help. Since kids are still in their developing stage, they fail to express themselves using the correct vocabulary. These unexpressed emotions often show up as stubbornness.
If you dig deeper into your child’s stubborn behavior, you can easily identify the real reason behind their actions, behaviors, and words. It can help you tailor your parenting approach for better results. To make things easier, we have handpicked the common causes of stubborn behavior in children that most parents miss identifying. So, let’s explore the root causes shared in this blog post below.
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Neurological Factors
We at Excelsior American School believe that neurological factors serve as the most common reason behind children’s stubborn behavior. Kids’ brains don’t fully develop until they’re in their mid or late 20’s. Their executive brain functions responsible for flexible thinking, planning, impulse control, etc., are all in the developmental stage. Some kids even have difficulty processing sensory information, leading to discomfort and overwhelm in some situations.
All this pushes children to display stubbornness when they’re only trying to avoid sensory overload or struggling with transitioning between different activities. For example, when your kids refuse to stop playing when it’s time for bed and don’t follow your instructions, it might appear as stubbornness. In reality, they may find it challenging to transition from playing to sleeping because of their underdeveloped executive functions.
In such cases, you can help your kids by creating visual schedules and giving them advance warnings before transitions. For example, if you want your kids to sleep by 10 PM, then give them a warning at 9:50 PM, followed by a reminder after 5 minutes. It will help your kids to mentally prepare for the transition.
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Unmet Needs and Communication Challenges
It can be surprising, but most of your child’s stubborn behavior can be an attempt to overcome a communication barrier or bring attention to their unmet needs. Many kids aren’t great at articulating and conveying their needs. They may even be unaware of their needs themselves.
So, if your kid refuses to go to bed early, it may be because they want to spend more quality with you or their siblings. The refusal can also result from their fear of darkness or sleeping alone. You can only find the precise reason when you talk to them and dig deeper into their situation.
Besides, we at Excelsior American School have also found that language development delays can manifest as stubbornness, too. If a young child cannot verbally communicate that they’re hungry, they may start refusing to participate in activities. It may look like they’re stubborn, but they’re only trying to bring attention to their basic need. The only way to help your kids in such situations is by regularly checking in with their feelings and needs.
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Temperament and Personality Factors
Every child has unique personality traits and temperaments that significantly influence their behaviors. If your child has an innate temperament trait of being less adaptable or more persistent in doing things their way, most of their activities will be perceived as stubbornness. As a parent, you must understand that strong-willed kids often resist instructions. However, it is not out of defiance but because of their deep-seated need to do things in their own way.
You can handle such situations by adjusting your parenting style to your child’s unique temperament. Simple activities like explaining the reason behind every instruction and rule can make them follow the said instructions better.
If you and your spouse are highly structured individuals and your child is free-spirited, this can also lead to greater conflicts or instances where the child is perceived as stubborn. If this is your case, then reflect on how your temperament clashes with your child’s temperament and find common ground.
Conclusion
Parents typically expect their kids to abide by their instructions and rules. So whenever they see their kids refusing to follow their instructions, they label the child as ‘stubborn’. While excessive stubbornness is a cause of concern, parents must realize that a certain level of stubbornness is natural and healthy for the child’s overall development. Hence, today, through this blog post, we at Excelsior American School, regarded as the Best International School in Gurugam, would like to urge and encourage all parents to try to identify the root of your child’s stubborn behavior. This will help you adjust your parenting style for better experiences.
